Patronage

a cousin love

patronage

and you often believe in me 
more (in fact)
than I do
but I believe heaven and earth
are connected
that one exists
and isn't irrelevant 
to the other

cousins

even with distance, they
know what the other may be
thinking or feeling
that they both wish they could
crash into each other at a more
regular rate
enjoy a 
regularity of rain
that’s all I’m sitting on
the deep down knowing
that I can pull that string and
confetti will pour down on us from 
the ceiling fan
and oh man
I miss you
that torn apart tearline view
but when did love ever guarantee 
a reduced amount of hurting?
I ache from my love for you
I ache from the pain you’re going through
yet even with this distance
this flexible barrier of inches
I believe in you
and you, in me, too

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Expanding

Breathing and building seem to come easier when certain people surround you. The ones who hold your character up by the grace of their own. Naturally, both of us beaming and reaching for the next. It somehow gets simpler and lighter when you’re with them. Especially with those who grew up next to your heart. Those who understand the why behind who you are.

This is the highlighted subject of this poem. Our dynamic and our love. I generally refer to this type of person as a ‘cousin’, but for me, this term is broad. It means family, it means those close friends whose skin and smell are now familiar and comforting to you. All those who are comfortable to you, and you are to them. Those who, with just a closing of proximity, calm you and reset you.

This term is special to me, for in fact, everyone I have in my life that claims this title aren’t related to me at all. That, beyond the orchestration of God allowing us to run into each other, we would have never connected. Most of my immediate and extended family fits in this category. Both those I grew up with and those friends who are now somehow family as well. All of them, separate humans on separate journeys, who now, somehow, would rather not ever desire to be disconnected from one another.

Even as fate seems to tug us in different directions, I don’t doubt how I feel about them, and how confident I am in them about where they’re going or what they will accomplish. I am their greatest supporter because I know them, and I can, honestly and fairly, be proud of them and spur them on. So when they whisper their doubts to me, I’ll be the first to pull them, call them into what I already envision is in front of them. Give them a little slap and say, '“When did doubt ever get anyone anywhere, but backwards?” So that they’ll snap out of it. So they can reemerge into the world shining as bright as they are on the inside.

For those of you reading this who have the privilege of having ‘cousins’ of your own, whether they are your family and you’re on your way home soon to spend the holidays with them, or they are the friends that surround you, the family that’s made. I encourage you, and implore you, to let them know what they mean to you. Don’t take anything for granted, no matter how small or how few.

Love is a tree with spreading seeds, so if you were gifted only one, know it’s bound to multiply and to flourish. And if someone specifically handed you that seed, see them, thank them, and love them. These are truly the greatest gifts of life, and what I am continually recognizing as the most valuable and beautiful things we could have, and experience.

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